Monday, March 13, 2006

Poop Post

As previously promised, I will now recount a poop story or two for you (ha ha, I'm a budding Dr. Seuss). * Warning * Graphic poop mention ahead, do not proceed if you are queasy about this sort of stuff.

Midnight Madness:
Once upon a time, I was changing C-Man's diaper in the wee hours of the night. The lights were dimmed low so that he wouldn't wake up too much during the feeding/changing process. I always kept the room very dark and put the lights on just enough so that I could sort of see what I was doing and not trip over anything. Anyway, I had the little man on the changing table and I raised his legs up to wipe his butt when all of a sudden a forceful gust of wind came from his butt. Unfortunately for me, it was accompanied by fecal matter. Since I was half asleep at the moment, I didn't really seem to mind. I just wiped my hand and went about my business of changing his diaper. Once he was changed and back into his pj's I noticed that some of the bottles on the changing table had also gotten poop on them, so I grabbed a wipe and passed it over the one or two bottles that I could tell had poop on them. No big deal. Being a mom, makes you immune to that sort of stuff I guess. I went back to bed and forgot all about the poop explosion. Once the sun came up, I plopped C down on the changing table once again. As I was wiping and changing, I noticed that I had missed a couple of spots on the bottles. I wiped all the stuff down and then noticed that there were a couple of spots on the changing table that I had missed as well. I wiped those down as well. Once I was done changing the baby, I bent over to put the diaper in the diaper pail when lo and behold, something on the wall caught my eye. My line of sight slowly went up to discover that the poop had traveled past the changing table onto the wall. A distance of at least two feet! Wow, that's some major intestinal force if you ask me. R helped me clean up the poop spray, but now whenever I hear him fart (Christian, not Ren) during a diaper change, I pay attention.

You know those fast food places that have the play areas for kids? Well, a looong time ago, I was at one of those places and all the kids were playing in the ball pit. The children and the parents were all having a ball (ha ha, get it? Having a ball? In the ball pit? Ok, I'll stop.) until a little boy named Adam* (names have been changed to protect the guilty) came out of the ball pit with poop running down his leg. Evidently, poor little Adam had the Hershey squirts that day and his diaper wasn't able to contain it all. All the mothers recoiled in horror as Adam made his way out of the ball pit covered in poop. Ha ha! I'm glad I wasn't in the ball pit that day. I don't think I'll ever let C play in one of those things. Perhaps you might want to check the ball pits the next time your child wants to play in them...just a thought.

One time some friends of my mom's came down from Virginia for vacation. They were staying at a hotel with a pool and invited our family over to come and swim for the day. They had two daughters, so I had a lot of fun splashing around in the pool with them. Wouldn't you know it, just as I was starting to have fun, the urges starting hitting me. Being a young, naive child, I thought that I could hold it in. I was having way too much fun to be bothered with getting out of the pool, to go poop of all things. So I held it, and held it, and held it, or so I thought. All of a sudden my fun was interrupted when my mom called me over "what's that in your bathing suit?", she asked. As much as I tried to hide it from her, she noticed the plastered poop in my bathing suit and just about died of embarrassment. I seemed to be ok with it though because I don't really remember being traumatized by this event. In fact, I only remember it because my mom won't let me forget it "remember that time you pooped in the hotel pool...".

If you're still reading this, curiosity must have gotten the best of you, either that or you're a kindred spirit and really enjoy a good poop story. Those are all the poop stories I have for now. If I think of any more, I'll be sure to share (unfortunately for you). In case you're wondering why I posted this in the first place (yes, Claudia, please enlighten us), it's because I ran into these blog posts and what can I say? I got inspired. Stayed tuned, because the next installment will be Fart Stories, I've got a couple of those too and they're quite hilarious.

Do you have any poop stories to share?


Blogger Emmakirst said...

Ahahaha @ the poop. Babies are hilarious! Good story. hehe

2:31 PM  
Blogger Depressionista said...

Claudia, awesome poop stories! I really enjoyed the one about the ball pit. I can only imagine the reaction of the other moms at that moment. I'm flattered that my posts inspired you, and I'm bookmarking you so I can come back and hopefully read about your fart stories!

12:58 PM  

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