Friday, October 19, 2007

Halloween Ninja

A couple of weeks ago, I was in Target when I noticed these cute little "you've been booed" bags. They have candy in them and you're supposed to hang them on your neighbor's door (without them knowing who it's from) and then they're supposed give a treat to 2 or 3 more neighbors, etc. It's kind of like a Halloween chain letter (except with candy!). I, being the crafty thrifty type, decided I'd make my own, so I bought all the supplies and put them aside to make my boo bags. Unfortunately, I'm not only crafty, but a huge procrastinator, so the supplies just sat there until one night I came home and was interrogated by two of my neighbors.

Them: We're you the one with the bowl of candy?
Me: What?
Them: We found a bowl of candy on our porch. The neighbor over there got one too.
Me: Really? How cool, did it say that you're supposed to pass it on to another neighbor?
Them: Yes. So it wasn't you? We figured...of all people, it had to be you.
Me: No, no, it wasn't me, but whoever it was beat me to it because I was going to do that too. Ha ha! That's great!

How cool is that? I was so excited that the Halloween bug had bitten someone one in my neighborhood and that the spirit of the season was alive. I was a bit bummed that I didn't get a bowl of candy, but I figured I would get one soon enough and now I already had the treats to pass on! Woohoo!

That night I went out to run an errand. When I came back I found this on my porch!
How cool! I got a bowl! I got a bowl! As you can see, it had a glow necklace and some Halloween balls and some candy and a piece of paper with some writing on it. Oooooh Spoooooky! I pulled the paper out and read the instructions slowly and carefully. Wait! This wasn't a boo bag, this was a Phantom Ghost! (I'm such a sucker for these things). So that night I made my treat bags and strategized with Ren over which neighbors I would give them to.

This is the part where I started to freak out because you have to do it secretly so that they don't see you. I kept thinking what if they go outside at the exact moment when I'm putting the treat on their porch? After much hemming and hawing I finally decided to just give the treats to the two neighbors to the right of my house.

Under dark of night, I slowly crept past the next door neighbor's car and opened the screen porch door. It let out a squeak that almost made me turn back. I quietly snuck in and decided to put the treat bag on one of the chairs in their front porch. I couldn't bring myself to hang it from the door knob because I didn't want them to hear me. I ran out as fast as possible and headed over to the next house. Another neighbor was outside talking on her cell phone. I hadn't noticed I had a witness. This meant I had to be extra careful and extra quiet at the next house so that she wouldn't see me. I gingerly went to the next house and tiptoed past their cars. I figured this one would be even more difficult because although they didn't have a screened in porch, they did have a dog and you know those damn animals can smell you coming a mile away. So far so good, no dog barking. One step closer..another...another OH CRAP! These people have a motion sensitive flood light! BAM! The light went on and I looked like a deer caught in the headlights. The neighbor on the phone started laughing (I don't know if it was at me or at the conversation,but you know when something happens like that, you always think everything is about you). I kept walking towards the next house as if that was my plan all along. I wasn't going to this house...nooooo...I was going to the next house, yep. Alright folks, nothing to look at here. I have nothing in my hands, keep going about your business.

After the flood light freak out, I kept on walking towards the mail box to make it look like that's where I was originally headed to when I decided to cut through my neighbor's front yard. I didn't want the cell phone neighbor to know that I was the Phantom Ghost (sounds like a Scooby Doo episode). I checked my empty mailbox and then decided to just leave the other treat at the closest house (the one by the mailbox). I crept up to the front porch and opened the gate. Great, even squeakier than the first one. I held my breath and took light steps but unfortunately this porch didn't have any chairs on it. I didn't want to hang it on the door knob because I knew it would make noise so I propped it up against the window. It fell down. Fuck! I picked it up and put it there again and pressed it towards the screen. The screen made noise. Crap! This is taking too long. I left it on the window and backed out of there as quickly as possible. I decided to cut through the neighbor's yard again (you know for consistency). This time I walked past their tree and walked right into a spider web. Yech! I kept walking faster and faster towards home while peeling spider webs off my face and body. I really didn't want to get caught doing my Halloween ninja deeds. What kind of a Phantom Ghost gets caught? A sucky one, that's what kind.

I finally made it back to the safety and security of my front porch. The motion sensor light went on. I reached for my keys and noticed a giant spider on my arm. Aack! I must have been carrying it on me since I walked into it's web. I calmly flicked it off my arm, but it just came right back up. I flicked it again and it started floating right back up. It had a piece of web coming out of it's butt-web-factory and the other end of it was stuck on to me somewhere, so whenever I would flick it off, it would come right back up the web. This is the part where my calm demeanor vanishes. I frantically brushed my entire arm, my back, my butt, my legs, my stomach, my hair, my face. I was turning in circles and swatting all parts of my body while trying to hold the evil animal off at bay. I looked like a maniac doing the macarena. EHHHH MACARENA AHAI! I finally broke the spiderweb link of death and squashed him (I generally don't kill non-roach insects/bugs, but I was irate by this time).

I don't think I'm cut out for this under-dark-of-night-ninja crap.

Oh, and those neighbors never even passed the treats on to another neighbor. Fuckers.

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