Friday, April 28, 2006


I've had this post written for some time, but it hasn't been until now that I've actually had the chance and inclination to post it. Since I don't have a reflective picture for Photo Friday, I figured that I would share this reflective moment.

I had a "wow" moment a month ago. Actually, I have those often now that I'm addicted to my space.

For example:

wow, he got ugly
wow, she has five kids
wow, he's bald
wow, she lost a lot of weight!
wow, he gained a lot of weight!
wow, he's making a lot of money
wow, she really turned her life around

You get my drift right? It's a mixture of good wows and bad wows. Well, this particular wow really threw me for a loop. I wasn't expecting to find this wow, I wasn't looking for this wow (contrary to popular belief), but there it This wow instantly threw me back about 12 years and made me remember how stupid and immature I was (yes WAS). Then I got to thinking about what a nut I was (yes, WAS..shut up) especially when it came to the opposite sex.

When I was a lot younger, I would become totally infatuated with someone and good luck trying to convince me otherwise. Not only that, but one would think that I actually knew these people that I was obsessed with. Nope, I didn't bother with that...what a hassle, actually getting to know the person? Noooo I couldn't do that. I would just pick a pretty face out of the crowd, or the guy that seemed dark and mysterious, or the one that had a cool vibe about him, or the one that was really funny...forget about actually getting to know him...just not important. Wait, there's more, once my vict..err, my chosen person had made it evident that the feeling was not mutual, one would think that I would move on and find another vict...lucky person to take his place, but no. Knowing it wasn't mutual seemed to add fuel to the fire instead of quelling it. Odd. Don't ask me why I did this because I don't know. So yeah, this wow moment spurned on this whole introspective reflection about the things I used to do then and why? and it made me thankful that I hadn't continued that crazy trend. It made me think, wow, you've come a long way baby.

I like to think that I'm light years away from that, from the crazy teenager I used to be. I'm glad that I came out of my shell and actually got to know a guy before I decided that I was in love with him. I'm glad that I had enough self respect to not throw myself all over him. I'm glad that I learned to take a hint when the feelings weren't mutual. I'm also glad that I had those experiences because they made me more compassionate for when the shoe was on the other foot. When a guy liked me and I didn't feel the same way, I tried to be careful of not hurting his feelings. I always thought back on how I had felt, how I would have liked to have been treated.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that this wow was ever mean to me or anything. No, he was very cordial with me considering all the crazy shit I did. Even though he never liked me back, he never put me down or made me feel like less of a person (to my face anyway). It's actually funny because I put so much energy into liking someone that I didn't even know! I read his profile recently and realized that he's not even the type of person I would've gone out with. Other than liking the same music, we don't have anything else in common. Hm...funny, I should'a figured that one out a long time ago.

I sent him a message just to say hi. I really hope that he doesn't take that as me still being "after" him cause really now, it's been 12 years. It was more of a "hey, I'm sorry I was such a wacko" note. Perhaps he'll even find his way over to my blog and read this for himself and see that I never really meant any harm and that I'm not really crazy afterall (ok, maybe just a little).


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