Thursday, July 30, 2009

Wannadon't City

Yesterday, instead of going to the movies, R and I took the boys to Wannado City (further known as Wannadon't City in my house). Once I got past the price of getting in there (and the ridiculous fact that Me, Ren and the BABY had to pay too just to go watch Chris) it was pretty overwhelming. If you've never been there before, there's a slight learning curve to figuring out how the whole place works. It doesn't help that the people at the registers don't really explain things to you. A simple "Welcome! Have you visited us before? Would you like me to explain how it works?" would have been nice. I guess I've been spoiled by Disney. No friendly mousketeers here, they just put an electronic prisoner tracking bracelet on all of us (I'm guessing so they don't steal your child or in case he gets lost), hand you a piece of paper (a check) and throw you to the lions. There are posters on the wall showing you the map of this place, but there are no maps that you can actually take with you as you go inside, which would be oh so helpful.

We walked inside, looked all around and didn't even know where to start. I crossed the miniature street without getting run over the miniature fire truck and noticed that there were little stations all over the place. Each station had a little (or not so little) line of children waiting to get inside. We walked around a bit and stopped someone to ask them what we were supposed to do with this little check. They told us to go to the bank and cash it or deposit it. Interesting. So we go to the bank and gave the lady the check and she gave us a wad of Wannado City money. Cute, OK, now what?

We went back into the city and looked around for a line to get into. We found a Willy Wonka factory line and were just about to get in line when I noticed that in all the activities, there were only kids in there. Not ONE parent. Parents weren't even allowed to wait in the line! Now if anyone knows my son, then they know that this trip just became a huge waste of time and money. He HATES being by himself and he is super slow to warm up to things, so there was no way he was going to wait in line, let alone go inside the mini little buildings to do things BY HIMSELF. HA! I quickly asked one of the workers there if all the activities were like that and if parents were allowed to go in with the kids. She said they could but that we had to have a special pass which we had to go pick up at guest services which was where exactly? Oh yes, my very own map would have been nice right around now.

After finding the cleverly hidden guest services, we get our pass and go back in the city. With pass in hand we head over to one of the little rides in the Wannado Fair. Surprise surprise, Chris doesn't want to ride by himself, so we went on the merry-go-round instead, where I AM allowed to go with him. We then head over to the Willy Wonka Factory. I get in line with Chris and we wait...and wait...and finally they let in 12 children. Wouldn't you know it, we're #13. The lady tells us that the next batch of children will be let in in half an hour. Nice. In the meantime I start chatting it up with one of the kids in line to get the scoop on how this place works. She tells me that you have to pay some of your Wonga bucks to get inside the fun stuff, but then you can go do a "job" (Fireman, Doctor, Dentist...etc) and you get paid. Wow, we get to do this in real life, why come and pay to do that here!?

We wait and wait and wait, and my child is getting bored and restless:

Chris: Can we go to the Haunted Mansion?
Me: There is no Haunted Mansion here.
Chris: How about the YO-HO's?
Me: There are no YO-HO's here either babe.
Chris: Awww.

Perhaps it was all the time spent in line that made him think that we were in Disney. I felt the same way too (minus the nice employees, more on that later). More than half an hour later, we finally get called in and we have to pay 60 of our Wannado bucks to get in. The actual experience is pretty cute because they had the kids make a little candy ice cream cone. Fortunately for me, Chris took one bite and didn't like it. It was delicious.

Now it was time to go work and make some money. Chris had seen the little ambulance and firetruck driving around, so he wanted to do that. The firetruck line was super long, so we went to the hospital instead. We got in line. They let 8 children in. Surprise surprise, we were #9 (I'm sensing a trend here). The lady said the next fire truck would be here in 45 minutes. Seeing as how we had time to kill, R waited in line with Jordan (wearing the special pass or else he can't even stand in line) and I took CMan across the "street" to the cafe to get something to eat. We ordered our pizzas and just as we were about to sit down to eat, R called me to tell me that one of the kids didn't want to ride the ambulance so I had to bring Chris back now because they weren't going to wait for him and adults weren't allowed to hold a spot in line anyway. So I piled my pizza plates one on top of the other and grabbed the sodas and ran over there, only to discover that the kid that chickened out, decided to ride after all. So here we were standing with all this food and the cheese of the bottom pizza got stuck to the bottom of the plate of the top pizza and the top pizza was too hot to eat and we had to all wait in line RIGHT THERE for 45 minutes because no one could save a spot for anyone.

We're all standing there eating our food when it suddenly occurs to me to ask if parents (with the guest pass) are allowed to ride the ambulance with the children. Surprise surprise. NO. Um OK. So we ask what time the next job starts and the super friendly lady dressed as a nurse points to the wall and says "the times are right there". On the wall are a bunch of little clocks with the name of each job posted on it and the hands of the clock pointing to when the next one will start. It looks like Surgery is starting in the next 5 minutes so I tell the lady that Chris will not be riding the ambulance and that he'll do whatever job is next. She says fine. So we wait...and wait. When all of a sudden I hear someone say that the line for the other jobs is inside. We go inside and the lady tells us to just have a seat inside at which point I not so kindly ask her why she didn't tell us this 10 minutes earlier when I told her that he was going to do another job. She says she did. Rrrright. You know this Wannadon't City really does mimic the real world. I feel like I'm in one of those hospitals with the jaded work staff that is tired of talking to sick people all day and just doesn't give a damn. Amazing.

I leave R and Chris waiting in the waiting room for the next job to start (which is now like in 20 minutes because Surgery is now full) while I go change Jordan. When I get back we switch and R takes Chris to the bathroom. While I'm sitting there, the same lovely nurse tells me that parents are not allowed in there because that is the waiting area just for children to which I reply "he went to the bathroom and I'm holding his spot. Seeing as how we already wasted a lot of time waiting outside since nobody told us that the line was in here, I have no intention of losing his spot again". So There! She didn't say anything.

I continue waiting in my little waiting bench when a group of girls walks in and asks what the next available job is. The nurse at the desk tells them it's Pathology and the waiting area is over there (pointing to an area that I am NOT in) but there is only one spot left. No sooner has she finished saying that when one of the girls sits in that spot. I am just about to have a major freak out when R walks back in and the following exchange ensues:

Me: "What specific job are we waiting here for?"
Ren: "Pathology"
Me: "Oh really? because the lady just said that Pathology is over THERE and there is one spot left, and someone just took it"

At this point Nurse Ratched notices that I am about to stuff my pizza up her ass and she quickly states that it doesn't matter where the waiting area is, we are in the next group.

You know what, this is way too much stress. I leave and sit on a bench with Jordan while R and Chris put their gloves on to do their Pathology work. Is there a miniature insane asylum in this little city because I want to go there.

After the hospital fiasco we head over to the Archaeology area. Chris goes inside with Ren and fortunately this time we checked the sign first to see how many kids go in at once to make sure that we are not that number+1. Their adventure is uneventful and he and I switch off so that Chris and I can do the next job of digging for dinosaur bones. We are happily sitting down waiting for our turn when the lady in the line behind me starts whacking her kid because he did something for the third time already and she is just fed up (she must have just come from the Wannado hospital too, they have that effect on people). Another lady starts reprimanding her, calling her an animal, and telling her to stop hitting her kid or else she is going to call the cops on her. What do you know Wannado City has a Jerry Springer job too!

The rest of the day was spent going on the merry-go-round one more time (don't sit on the horses ma'am....damn, I'm not that heavy) and then we decided to call it a day. We went to guest services to return the guest pass and ask them where we can go to have our prisoner bracelets removed and they direct us to stall number 9 or 10, the sign of which was super tiny, so if we hadn't asked, we'd be wandering around trying to figure out how to leave.

Review and Recommendations: It's a cute concept, but some activities need to be a little more organized (cough cough, hospital, cough cough) and the staff needs to be friendlier. When you walk in they should give you a map and brochure detailing how it works . I also think the age range should be higher maybe ages 4 and up because some 3 year olds just aren't ready to do all these things by themselves. Babies shouldn't have to pay to get in.

Don't expect me to set foot in there for at least another 3 years (until JJ is 4).

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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Trouble in Los Pantalones

This morning I had a dentist appointment (ugh), so the day just didn't start out happy. I finished my dental torture and decided to pick some lunch up on the way to work. Chicken...check. Salad...check. Frosty...check. Nice refreshing tall cup of soda...check. I was set. I was happily jamming to some tunes in my car and I had a yummy meal to look forward to, so the day was picking up despite the dental relapse at the beginning. I parked my car and tried to maneuver out of my car juggling a purse, a gym bag, my lunch and my soda. Speaking of the soda....don't you hate it when they don't put the lid on right and you grab it by the top to pick it up and the lid falls off and the soda falls? don't you hate it? cause I do. You know what else I hate? Spilling soda in my crotch so early in the day that I haven't even gotten to the office (well, actually, soda in the crotch is not good at any time, unless, well, you like that sort of thing).

So yeah, I was now wearing a nice tall glass of iced soda, mainly in the crotch and buttocks area to be exact. Fortunately, I had my gym clothes with me so I realized that I could in fact change and did not have to walk around looking like I was incontinent the whole day. I momentarily thought about changing in the parking lot, but decided against it for fear that the parking meter person would drive by at that exact moment and catch me unclothed (because knowing my luck, that would totally happen). Instead I chose to waddle to the closest restroom to change. I figured it was better that a couple of people see me waddling and think I peed myself, than to moon the security guy in the parking lot. Choices people, choices.

So I get in the bathroom and pull out my spare yoga pants from my gym bag. Unfortunately, I do not also carry spare panties, so you guess it, I had to go commando. Boy do I hate that feeling. There's just something about underwear that makes me feel secure and not so drafty.

It's funny the lessons that life teaches you (and life doesn't wait either). This morning Jordan was crawling around me while I got ready to leave. He was trying to stand up by holding on to my pants for leverage. Because I have an overactive imagination, I instantly thought, Wow, that's a recipe for a major embarrassing situation. Imagine if I were wearing loose pants and no underwear and Jordan came and pulled on them to stand up and pulled them right down! I'd be showcasing my stuff to everyone! I quickly laughed it off because of the inprobability of it all, thinking that wouldn't happen though because I love underwear. Plus, I would never ever wear loose pants without it.

Never say never.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Perhaps if it had been called "Killer" instead of "Thriller".

This whole month, I've been on a 4-day work week schedule which has allowed me the opportunity to be off on Wednesdays. Coincidentally our local movie theater shows free kids movies on Wednesdays, so I've been taking Christian to a movie every week.

It's been quite an experience since he had never been to the movies before. On the first trip (Charlotte's Web) we had much seat shuffling (he doesn't weigh enough to keep the seat down very well) and multiple loud outbursts regarding the plot. Our second trip (Bee Movie) featured TWO bathroom trips and remarks about how big the "TV" was. This last trip (Alvin and the Chipmunks) had him asking to go home halfway through the movie and to get him more popcorn please. I'd like to say that each time it gets a little better, but I'm not really sure. Fortunately the movies are free, so he's going to get alot of practice on movie theater etiquette this month.

On our way out we passed one of those cardboard stands that advertises coming attractions. This one had a picture of a guy in a mechanic suit with crazy hair and a white face holding a knife. I saw it and said "Oh look Chris it's Michael Myers from Halloween" (NO, he has NOT seen the movie). His reply? "That's Michael Myers? It looks like Michael Jackson". Um, no babe, Michael Jackson doesn't walk around with a knife.

Poor MJ, so misunderstood.

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Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Did someone say zombies...

Well, now I've gone and done it. I've thrown my hat over the fence and now it's time to figure out how I'm going to get it.

I signed up for Thrill the World for this year, so it looks like I need to start practicing my dance moves. I've updated the website I created in 2007 (the first time I wanted to do this) so I'm ready to go. This year's World record attempt event will be on Saturday October 24th at 8:30pm.

The only thing left to do now is to find more crazy people like me that would love to do the Thriller dance. Hm...good thing I have 3 months to do it in...

Alright. Here we go! So...who's in? (don't worry, I won't make you dress like a zombie...unless you want to that is).

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