He's only six!

Chris: Mom, can I change my name?
Me: Yes, when you're 18. What do you want to be called?
Chris: Rolf


Christian: Mom, I'm allergic to poison ivy, salt in my eyes and inspired milk.
Me: Do you mean, expired milk? I think everyone is "allergic" to those things sweety.


Chris: Hello Methuselah!
(said to my brother as he walked in the room).


The other day, I got a prank call from my son: "I knooow your phoooone number, but you don't know who I ammmmm". He disguised his voice and all.


When we went to Disney:
Me: Do you want to ride Aladdin's Magic Carpets?
Chris: No, they look kind of lame.


Christian was drawing Mickey for his homework and only drew the outline.
Me: How about the eyes and the nose? That's not really Mickey.
Chris: Mickey doesn't exist.
Me: What do you mean? Didn't you take a picture with him last week at Disney?
Chris: That was a costume Mom.


Chris: Mom, I can play a song with my whistle.
Me: Ok, let's hear it... (he plays a little tune)
...that's nice! What's the name of that song?
Chris: All Hail Christian...no wait, Rolf.

Little fishies

Jordan's first swimming class with the "big kids" (ages 3 and up) started in January. We talked it up real big for him and made him feel special because he was no longer going to Mommy and Me class.
Here's how that worked out for us:

Could he possibly sit any further away from the class? He was as far up in the corner of the pool as possible. He alternated between crying and sulking in the corner and doing his best to ignore the class and the teacher. Fortunately Christian had a better time of it.
After class we asked Jordan why he cried so much since he's a big boy now. He said "I don't know". We reminded him how much he loves swimming (he actually does) and how nice the teacher is. We told him no more crying in swim class OK? and he said he wouldn't cry any more (sure bob, we'll see about that). The following week, we braced ourselves for a repeat performance.
And we got this:



We got lots of smiles and lots of swimming. Who knew? He was telling the truth! Ever since then, he loves the class and his teacher. In fact, he loves it so much I have to keep an eagle eye on him because he just throws himself all over the pool as if he were a champion swimmer.

And here I was thinking I'd get a macaroni necklace

Chris: Today isn't Valentine's day?
Me: No, tomorrow is. Are you getting me something for Valentine's day?
Chris: Yes.
Me: You are? What is it?
Chris: Adam Lambert panties

LOL! I can already see that he's going to be a good gift giver in the future. Ha ha! Nevermind that they don't make Adam Lambert underwear...well, at least I don't think they do....hm...hold that thought...brb...

I stand corrected.

Maybe I can wear them to the No-Pants Metro Rail Ride next year.

Languages, summer camp and staying fit

While watching Star Wars on TV with Christian the other day, the characters on the screen started speaking one of the many Star Wars languages and the following conversation ensued:
Me: What were they saying Chris?
Chris: I don't know, they were speaking in France.



While trying to pick out a summer camp:
Me: What kind of camp do you want to go to Chris? They have space camp and magic camp and acting camp...
Chris: I want to go to lunch camp.



While watching the Little Mermaid, Ursula the sea witch comes on the screen:
Christian: Oh my God, that lady needs to exercise!


Speaking of exercise:
Chris: What are those?
Me: Shorts for the gym.
Chris: You're going to the gym now?
Me: Yes, so I won't be fat.
Chris: You're not fat.
Me: Thanks sweetie.

and one from the king of compliments:
Jordan: You are awesome Claudia! I like you Mommy.


I swear I haven't coached these children to give me ego boosts...

World Traveler

Christian's class has a little pillow pet named Patrick. He's a penguin and every weekend he spends it with a different child. The child selected then needs to take pictures with Patrick showing what activities they did as well as any places they might have visited.

This weekend was Christian's turn to host Patrick. Unfortunately for Patrick we did not have many exciting activities or events planned for this weekend (see , Thrill The World, No Pants Metro Rail ride), so I had to get a little creative.

Thanks to my friend Lilli's photoshop skillz (yes, with a z...so what, I'm in the mood), Chris and Patrick were able to see many exciting things! Everyone together now.....Amaaaaazing!

Check it out:

All that traveling and they still made it back just in time to go to Brandon's Birthday Party! Good thing it was a long weekend!

Gee, I hope his teacher has a sense of humor.

The name game

Chris: Why did your parents name you Claudia?
Me: Because they liked the name.
Chris: Did you have that name when you were little?
Me: Yes, why wouldn't I have had that name?
Chris: Because that's a grown-up name.

Beef, it's what's for dinner.

Chris: Mommy, when I grow up, I don't want to be a vegetarian.
Me: That's OK, you don't have to be....do you know what a vegetarian is?
Chris: Yes, a doctor.
Me: No sweetie, that's a veterinarian, a doctor for animals. A vegetarian is someone that doesn't eat meat, or chicken or pork.
Chris: Oh.
Me: You don't have to be either of those if you don't want to.


I don't blame him, I don't want to be a vegetarian veterinarian either.

Mario and Uligi

Jordan talks alot, and generally, he speaks well, so these mispronunciation tidbits are becoming more rare:

Elphabator - Elevator

Uligi (sounds like Oooh-Lee-Gee) - Luigi

And he said this to me the other day: "You are so much awesome!". I naturally replied with "You are so much awesome too!"


and of course, the usual Christian set:

We were watching Supernanny last night and I commented on how one of the girls was behaving terribly. He said... "she needs to go to Juvi"

Juvi!!! Juvi!!! Where does he get this? Not only does he know that that's where badly behaved kids go, but he knows the slang term for it. OMG.

This kid is out of hand...

Me: Chris...Chris...CHRISTIAN!
C: What?
Me: Why don't you answer me?
C: Because my name is Christian, not Chris.


Me: Christian (sounded like Chrischian)
C: My name is Chris-T-ian, there is no CH in the middle.


C: Can I see that New Kids on the Block Picture? (I get it and hand it to him) They don't look cool.
Me: Why not? They're cool.
C: Which one sings?
Me: They all do
C: Nobody PLAYS anything?


Me: Hey Chris, we're making Christmas cookies!
C: How delightful! (not sarcastic, but funny choice of words).

He's on a roll...

Me: Eat your rice and beans Chris.
Chris: I don't like rice and beans
Me: What? How can you not like rice and beans? You're a bad Hispanic Chris. That's like an Italian not liking pasta or a Chinese person not liking rice.
Chris: That's just how I roll.


"Mom, I looked both ways before crossing the street... because I like being alive"


Me: Your cousin's name is Annette
Chris: Annette? That's not a name! That's something you catch fish with.


Me: Chris, you're putting your pants on backwards.
Chris: Don't judge me.

Religious conversations with shark boy.

Lately Christian has been very concerned with birth order, who was born first and who is older than who, etc.

Chris: Mom, was God born first?
Me: Yes
Chris: Who was born second?
Me: Adam
(long pause)
Chris: Lambert?
(I knew he would say that...)
Me: LOL, no babe. Adam and Eve.

The creation of Adam Lambert?

Chris: Does God have a mustache?
Me: I'm not sure; you'll have to wait until you get to Heaven to find out
Chris: Nooo, just look it up on the Internet!



In other, non religious news, Chris has his first loose tooth! He had been complaining of tooth pain so my mom checked out his teeth and noticed that he's got a tooth coming in behind his bottom left tooth! The baby tooth is a tiny bit loose. When I saw that he had a tooth coming out in the wrong spot, I immediately thought oh no, orthodontics here we come! My mom says that once the baby tooth falls out, the other one will move up. I don't know, it looks pretty far back to me. I hope so. My wallet hopes so too!

Overheard at my house

Christian: Mommy look! This shampoo bottle says that it gives you extra body. That means I'll have two of you!


Christian: "Ouch! Mom, your legs feel like a sea urchin!"


Jordan: Christian! Put the DVD on for me!
Christian: What am I? Your lackey?

Conversations with Christian

While leaving his first acting class:
Me: Chris, did you like your acting class?
Chris: No
Later in the car
Me: So tell me, what did you do in class?
Chris: We played games.
Me: Oh yeah? Did you have fun?
Chris: Yes
Me: OK, so you did like the class then?
Chris: Yes
Me: So why did you say you didn't like it when I first asked you?
Chris: Because I was acting!

Every day after school I ask Chris what he did in class that day, but I always get the same answer, "I played". By asking him, I'm hoping to find out what he learned in class, but he never tells and yet, I continue probing without success. Yesterday, seeing that I wasn't going to give up, Chris decided to spice things up a bit:
Me: So tell me Chris, what did you do in school today?
Chris: I rode a pony
Me: Oh really? You rode a pony huh? And where did the school get a pony?
Chris: From a farm
Me: Oh I see. And what was the pony's name?
Chris: "Pony"
I don't know if I should be proud or worried that he says these things with such a straight face. My mom said "he's a good liar...and now you've got him in acting classes so he can become a better liar?".


On death:
Me: I love my babies
Chris: Jordan and I will always be your babies?
Me: Yes, forever
Chris: Well, not when you're dead

He's also currently fixated on thinking that people die when they get to 100, so he often worries about the fact that he won't have a mom when I turn 100. Yesterday we had a very touching conversation:
Chris: I'll be sad when you get to 100 because I'll miss you (said with a very sad face)
Me: It's OK sweetie, by then, you'll be 70
Chris: but I'll be sad because I won't be able to see you ever again (eyes start watering)
Me (don't lose it Claudia): but you'll be OK. You'll have a wife and kids to comfort you. (change the subject!) How many kids do you want to have when you grow up?
Chris: 10
Me: Oh boy! Well, your 10 children will be there for you and I'll be there in spirit to watch over you.
Chris: Will you watch over Jordan too?
Me: Yes sweetie
He was so precious and looked so concerned and troubled by the thought of never seeing me again that it broke my heart and almost made me cry. Usually I think of Jordan as being the more sensitive one, but it looks like my big boy is a big ole softy too.

And for our last tidbit, another laugh.

Yesterday after he got out of the car, he was trying to put his book bag on but his arm got caught in the strap.
Chris: Mommmmmmy!
Me: Yes, sweetie I'll be right there
Chris: Heeeeelp!
Me: What happened? Your arm is stuck!
Chris: Aaaaaaach! Help! I'm stuck in this toaster oven!

Where does he come up with these things...I mean really. Four out of the five conversations from above happened within a 24 hour period!

Conversations with Christian

I haven't posted any Christian sound bites in a while. I've been saving these two gems to post here. Enjoy... and um, don't pick your nose, it could be deadly.

Me: Christian, what's your favorite vegetable?
C: Chicken
Me: That's not a vegetable.
C: It is to me.


Me: OMG look at this giant booger that came out of Jordan's nose.
Christian: That's not giant.
Me: Yeah it is.
C: No, THIS (holds hands out wide) is a giant booger.
Me: Yes, but people don't generally have boogers that size
C: My last parents did
Me: Your last parents? What happened to them? Did they get killed by a giant booger?
C: Yes, they died. They were old.
Me: Wow, how did you manage to outlive them?
C: They were 100 years old.
Me: What were their names?
C: Amanda
Me: and the Dad?
C: Rush
Me: Amanda and Rush...nice.

Disney Part 2

Oooh, look at that, I never wrote part 2! I've been such a space cadet lately (lately?). OK here goes... Since we stayed at the movies resort at Disney, before we headed out to the parks we took a stroll through the grounds because I really wanted the boys to see the Toy Story section of the hotel since they (mostly Jordan) are currently obsessed with those movies. When Jordan laid eyes on the giant Buzz he held his Buzz doll up, looked at me, then looked at the giant Buzz, then looked at me again. It was adorable to watch. After our stroll we headed to Disney Studios. I didn't used to like that park before because I felt there wasn't enough to do there. This was of course, before I had kids. Now that we go mostly for the boys (at least that's what I tell myself), the park is all of a sudden more interesting. In fact, both times that we've gone recently, we haven't been able to do everything. I've yet to go on the Toy Story ride for example. There is always a crazy long line and I've tried with the fast pass and both times it's been too late (we've had to leave the park early both times because we were driving back that day). The skies were a little grey, but thankfully the weather was better than the day before. First we went on the backlot tour (since we missed that last time) and saw some pretty cool scenes and props. Christian loved the hall with all the costumes. He requested that I take his picture with a few key characters. I'm thinking he likes the villains. Wherever does he get this from? Next we went on the Great Movie Ride. Chris loves the part where the wicked witch comes out (see what I mean?) in the Wizard of Oz scene. After our ride, we stopped to eat lunch at the Sci-Fi diner. I really love this place because I'm such a sucker for gimmicky places. I had eaten there once before and I knew the boys would love it. They make it look like an drive-in movie lot. You sit and eat in a "car" while watching clips of old movies. So cute! After lunch we headed over to the Hollywood Tower of Terror (can you tell I like photographing trees?). Chris said he wanted to ride it (he liked it the last time he rode it). Unfortunately because he had just eaten, he didn't enjoy it as much this time. Oopsy. Fortunately the boy has a good stomach so there were no unfortunate incidents. We then headed over to the I shrunk the kids playground, but we took a detour because I wanted to show Chris the Star Wars ride set. Good thing we did because hidden in a little corner I found this guy. At first Chris was excited to take a picture with him (after all he took a picture with the costume), but then not so much when he realized that Darth isn't as friendly as Goofy. Side note: OMG chewie back pack! $54...um, no thanks. The kids loved the playground. I was wishing they were old enough to run around by themselves since Jordan kept ducking into holes where I could not fit. I kept freaking out because I never knew where those little caves led. Fortunately, they were OK and were not eaten by a giant insect. Ren however, found his long lost love. Since we had to drive back that day, we had to leave early, so we only had time to catch the parade right before heading out. It was a Pixar parade, so all our favorite characters came out to sing and dance and wave hello. Yes, even the Toy Story Gang! After that, we grabbed some cotton candy and boarded a bus back to the hotel. What a fun trip! Can't wait to do it again this week!

Overheard at my house

Me: Chris, how do you remember all that? (he recited the entire scene of a movie by memory)

C: I'm a rememberer.





Me: Jordan, you have to tell me that you need to use the potty BEFORE you pee.

Jordan: I have no choice mom.

Christian's quotes

On diversity...


"Look Mom, I have a new friend, and he's all brown!"



On career choices...


Chris: "What's college?"
Me: "That's where people go to learn how to do the jobs they want, for example, a doctor, or a pilot, or a teacher"
Chris: "or a pirate"
Me: "um, sure, I guess"


On fashion choices:

Me: "Here, wear this one, this one's nice" (I picked out a shirt with a turtle on it).
Chris: "No, I don't like that one; I'm allergic to turtles"

Jordan's self evaluation and Christian questions reality

Jordan: Hi Mommy
Me: Hi baby
J: I'm not a baby!
Me: No? What are you then?
J: Jordan!


Lately I had been discussing with Christian the difference between real people vs characters. Johnny Depp = real
Captain Jack = character

Yesterday in the car Christian asked: Mommy, is Adam Lambert real?
It gave me a chuckle (he IS quite the character afterall).
Yes, baby, he is...although, like you, I sometimes wonder....probably for very different reasons.

Christian's quotes

The other day Chris asked me something, to which I answered:
Me: I don't know Chris, we'll have to ask God about that.

silent pause

Chris: He said no.
Me: He did? I didn't hear anything.
Chris: It's because he talks real low.


Yesterday while watching TV:
"Mom, if you have hair here (points to his chest), the ladies really like that".

Where does he get this from?

I hope there isn't an episode on gardening

The other day Christian and I had the following conversation:

Chris: Mommy, you're a tool.

Me: What? That's not nice Christian, you don't say that to people.

Me/Ren (in unison): Where did you hear that?

Chris: On Handy Manny

Me: Oooooh. OK. Well, the little friends he has such as the hammer, the drill, the screwdriver...those are tools. People are not tools OK?, so don't say that anymore cause it's not nice.

Chris: Ok mommy.

I'm just glad he didn't call me a Hoe, that would've been a whole 'nother conversation.

Then.....This morning his teacher pulled me aside to let me know that Christian has been saying bad words and calling children names. My first thought was...oh my god he called her a hoe. I was relieved to hear that that wasn't the case, but the teacher did say that a parent had complained because their daughter said that he had called her a loser. I feel bad because I'm always telling him not to be mean. Then again, as much as we try to teach them, kids pick things up and love to repeat them. I'm guessing he either got this from daycare (where the kids are all ages) or from TV. The teacher made it a point to let me know that she called him out on it and made him apologize and that I should follow up at home by telling him not to say those things.

With all the talk of bullying on the news, I'm glad that his teacher is the way she is. However small the insult may have seemed to me at the time (vs some of the other words I imagined), it's good that they're nipping it in the bud. God knows I could've benefited from this no bullying tolerated stance in my time.