He's only six!

Chris: Mom, can I change my name?
Me: Yes, when you're 18. What do you want to be called?
Chris: Rolf


Christian: Mom, I'm allergic to poison ivy, salt in my eyes and inspired milk.
Me: Do you mean, expired milk? I think everyone is "allergic" to those things sweety.


Chris: Hello Methuselah!
(said to my brother as he walked in the room).


The other day, I got a prank call from my son: "I knooow your phoooone number, but you don't know who I ammmmm". He disguised his voice and all.


When we went to Disney:
Me: Do you want to ride Aladdin's Magic Carpets?
Chris: No, they look kind of lame.


Christian was drawing Mickey for his homework and only drew the outline.
Me: How about the eyes and the nose? That's not really Mickey.
Chris: Mickey doesn't exist.
Me: What do you mean? Didn't you take a picture with him last week at Disney?
Chris: That was a costume Mom.


Chris: Mom, I can play a song with my whistle.
Me: Ok, let's hear it... (he plays a little tune)
...that's nice! What's the name of that song?
Chris: All Hail Christian...no wait, Rolf.

And here I was thinking I'd get a macaroni necklace

Chris: Today isn't Valentine's day?
Me: No, tomorrow is. Are you getting me something for Valentine's day?
Chris: Yes.
Me: You are? What is it?
Chris: Adam Lambert panties

LOL! I can already see that he's going to be a good gift giver in the future. Ha ha! Nevermind that they don't make Adam Lambert underwear...well, at least I don't think they do....hm...hold that thought...brb...

I stand corrected.

Maybe I can wear them to the No-Pants Metro Rail Ride next year.

Languages, summer camp and staying fit

While watching Star Wars on TV with Christian the other day, the characters on the screen started speaking one of the many Star Wars languages and the following conversation ensued:
Me: What were they saying Chris?
Chris: I don't know, they were speaking in France.



While trying to pick out a summer camp:
Me: What kind of camp do you want to go to Chris? They have space camp and magic camp and acting camp...
Chris: I want to go to lunch camp.



While watching the Little Mermaid, Ursula the sea witch comes on the screen:
Christian: Oh my God, that lady needs to exercise!


Speaking of exercise:
Chris: What are those?
Me: Shorts for the gym.
Chris: You're going to the gym now?
Me: Yes, so I won't be fat.
Chris: You're not fat.
Me: Thanks sweetie.

and one from the king of compliments:
Jordan: You are awesome Claudia! I like you Mommy.


I swear I haven't coached these children to give me ego boosts...

The name game

Chris: Why did your parents name you Claudia?
Me: Because they liked the name.
Chris: Did you have that name when you were little?
Me: Yes, why wouldn't I have had that name?
Chris: Because that's a grown-up name.

What's with all the gorilla talk?

Jordan: Big giant gorillas don't exist.
Me: No? (revisiting yesterday's comment are we?)
Jordan: No, only in NY.

lol, I guess he WAS paying attention when Christian told him that yesterday.

Beef, it's what's for dinner.

Chris: Mommy, when I grow up, I don't want to be a vegetarian.
Me: That's OK, you don't have to be....do you know what a vegetarian is?
Chris: Yes, a doctor.
Me: No sweetie, that's a veterinarian, a doctor for animals. A vegetarian is someone that doesn't eat meat, or chicken or pork.
Chris: Oh.
Me: You don't have to be either of those if you don't want to.


I don't blame him, I don't want to be a vegetarian veterinarian either.

Mario and Uligi

Jordan talks alot, and generally, he speaks well, so these mispronunciation tidbits are becoming more rare:

Elphabator - Elevator

Uligi (sounds like Oooh-Lee-Gee) - Luigi

And he said this to me the other day: "You are so much awesome!". I naturally replied with "You are so much awesome too!"


and of course, the usual Christian set:

We were watching Supernanny last night and I commented on how one of the girls was behaving terribly. He said... "she needs to go to Juvi"

Juvi!!! Juvi!!! Where does he get this? Not only does he know that that's where badly behaved kids go, but he knows the slang term for it. OMG.

This kid is out of hand...

Me: Chris...Chris...CHRISTIAN!
C: What?
Me: Why don't you answer me?
C: Because my name is Christian, not Chris.


Me: Christian (sounded like Chrischian)
C: My name is Chris-T-ian, there is no CH in the middle.


C: Can I see that New Kids on the Block Picture? (I get it and hand it to him) They don't look cool.
Me: Why not? They're cool.
C: Which one sings?
Me: They all do
C: Nobody PLAYS anything?


Me: Hey Chris, we're making Christmas cookies!
C: How delightful! (not sarcastic, but funny choice of words).

He's on a roll...

Me: Eat your rice and beans Chris.
Chris: I don't like rice and beans
Me: What? How can you not like rice and beans? You're a bad Hispanic Chris. That's like an Italian not liking pasta or a Chinese person not liking rice.
Chris: That's just how I roll.


"Mom, I looked both ways before crossing the street... because I like being alive"


Me: Your cousin's name is Annette
Chris: Annette? That's not a name! That's something you catch fish with.


Me: Chris, you're putting your pants on backwards.
Chris: Don't judge me.

Religious conversations with shark boy.

Lately Christian has been very concerned with birth order, who was born first and who is older than who, etc.

Chris: Mom, was God born first?
Me: Yes
Chris: Who was born second?
Me: Adam
(long pause)
Chris: Lambert?
(I knew he would say that...)
Me: LOL, no babe. Adam and Eve.

The creation of Adam Lambert?

Chris: Does God have a mustache?
Me: I'm not sure; you'll have to wait until you get to Heaven to find out
Chris: Nooo, just look it up on the Internet!



In other, non religious news, Chris has his first loose tooth! He had been complaining of tooth pain so my mom checked out his teeth and noticed that he's got a tooth coming in behind his bottom left tooth! The baby tooth is a tiny bit loose. When I saw that he had a tooth coming out in the wrong spot, I immediately thought oh no, orthodontics here we come! My mom says that once the baby tooth falls out, the other one will move up. I don't know, it looks pretty far back to me. I hope so. My wallet hopes so too!

Overheard at my house

Christian: Mommy look! This shampoo bottle says that it gives you extra body. That means I'll have two of you!


Christian: "Ouch! Mom, your legs feel like a sea urchin!"


Jordan: Christian! Put the DVD on for me!
Christian: What am I? Your lackey?

Conversations with Christian

While leaving his first acting class:
Me: Chris, did you like your acting class?
Chris: No
Later in the car
Me: So tell me, what did you do in class?
Chris: We played games.
Me: Oh yeah? Did you have fun?
Chris: Yes
Me: OK, so you did like the class then?
Chris: Yes
Me: So why did you say you didn't like it when I first asked you?
Chris: Because I was acting!

Every day after school I ask Chris what he did in class that day, but I always get the same answer, "I played". By asking him, I'm hoping to find out what he learned in class, but he never tells and yet, I continue probing without success. Yesterday, seeing that I wasn't going to give up, Chris decided to spice things up a bit:
Me: So tell me Chris, what did you do in school today?
Chris: I rode a pony
Me: Oh really? You rode a pony huh? And where did the school get a pony?
Chris: From a farm
Me: Oh I see. And what was the pony's name?
Chris: "Pony"
I don't know if I should be proud or worried that he says these things with such a straight face. My mom said "he's a good liar...and now you've got him in acting classes so he can become a better liar?".


On death:
Me: I love my babies
Chris: Jordan and I will always be your babies?
Me: Yes, forever
Chris: Well, not when you're dead

He's also currently fixated on thinking that people die when they get to 100, so he often worries about the fact that he won't have a mom when I turn 100. Yesterday we had a very touching conversation:
Chris: I'll be sad when you get to 100 because I'll miss you (said with a very sad face)
Me: It's OK sweetie, by then, you'll be 70
Chris: but I'll be sad because I won't be able to see you ever again (eyes start watering)
Me (don't lose it Claudia): but you'll be OK. You'll have a wife and kids to comfort you. (change the subject!) How many kids do you want to have when you grow up?
Chris: 10
Me: Oh boy! Well, your 10 children will be there for you and I'll be there in spirit to watch over you.
Chris: Will you watch over Jordan too?
Me: Yes sweetie
He was so precious and looked so concerned and troubled by the thought of never seeing me again that it broke my heart and almost made me cry. Usually I think of Jordan as being the more sensitive one, but it looks like my big boy is a big ole softy too.

And for our last tidbit, another laugh.

Yesterday after he got out of the car, he was trying to put his book bag on but his arm got caught in the strap.
Chris: Mommmmmmy!
Me: Yes, sweetie I'll be right there
Chris: Heeeeelp!
Me: What happened? Your arm is stuck!
Chris: Aaaaaaach! Help! I'm stuck in this toaster oven!

Where does he come up with these things...I mean really. Four out of the five conversations from above happened within a 24 hour period!

The apple doesn't roll far from his brother

And now, a quote from Jordan because he doesn't want to be left out:

Christian was sitting in my mom's house playing with some empty plates and cups. Jordan sat some distance away deliberately watching him. My mom noticed the scenario, so she watched Jordan to see what he would do. Jordan watched intently as Christian pretended to eat from the plate and say "mm, this is good". Jordan kept watching as Christian drank the non-existent liquid from his cup and declared how delicious it was. Finally after watching the charade long enough, Jordan said in a low voice..."you need food stupid".

Christian didn't hear him, but my mom had to hold her laughter. Fortunately I wasn't there or I would have scolded him, but I don't know if I would have been able to, because sometimes, you just gotta laugh.

He's only two and already following in Christian's footsteps.

Conversations with Christian

I haven't posted any Christian sound bites in a while. I've been saving these two gems to post here. Enjoy... and um, don't pick your nose, it could be deadly.

Me: Christian, what's your favorite vegetable?
C: Chicken
Me: That's not a vegetable.
C: It is to me.


Me: OMG look at this giant booger that came out of Jordan's nose.
Christian: That's not giant.
Me: Yeah it is.
C: No, THIS (holds hands out wide) is a giant booger.
Me: Yes, but people don't generally have boogers that size
C: My last parents did
Me: Your last parents? What happened to them? Did they get killed by a giant booger?
C: Yes, they died. They were old.
Me: Wow, how did you manage to outlive them?
C: They were 100 years old.
Me: What were their names?
C: Amanda
Me: and the Dad?
C: Rush
Me: Amanda and Rush...nice.

Overheard at my house

Me: Chris, how do you remember all that? (he recited the entire scene of a movie by memory)

C: I'm a rememberer.





Me: Jordan, you have to tell me that you need to use the potty BEFORE you pee.

Jordan: I have no choice mom.

Christian's quotes

On diversity...


"Look Mom, I have a new friend, and he's all brown!"



On career choices...


Chris: "What's college?"
Me: "That's where people go to learn how to do the jobs they want, for example, a doctor, or a pilot, or a teacher"
Chris: "or a pirate"
Me: "um, sure, I guess"


On fashion choices:

Me: "Here, wear this one, this one's nice" (I picked out a shirt with a turtle on it).
Chris: "No, I don't like that one; I'm allergic to turtles"

Jordan and his ABC's

At 2 years and 4 months, Jordan knows almost all of the letter names (except for like 2 or 3 of them which he gets confused on). Christian learned most of the letters by 23 months (what can I say, 2nd child?). lol. Check out the video. Stay tuned for the funny part at the end.

Jordan's self evaluation and Christian questions reality

Jordan: Hi Mommy
Me: Hi baby
J: I'm not a baby!
Me: No? What are you then?
J: Jordan!


Lately I had been discussing with Christian the difference between real people vs characters. Johnny Depp = real
Captain Jack = character

Yesterday in the car Christian asked: Mommy, is Adam Lambert real?
It gave me a chuckle (he IS quite the character afterall).
Yes, baby, he is...although, like you, I sometimes wonder....probably for very different reasons.

Jordan joins the comedic quote troupe

My mom was feeding Jordan his dinner the other day and trying to get him to eat beets.

Mom: Here Jordan try this.
Jordan: No
Mom: Just a little bite
Jordan: (covers mouth)
Mom: (getting tired of the game) Just bite it!
Jordan: YOU bite it!

Christian's quotes

The other day Chris asked me something, to which I answered:
Me: I don't know Chris, we'll have to ask God about that.

silent pause

Chris: He said no.
Me: He did? I didn't hear anything.
Chris: It's because he talks real low.


Yesterday while watching TV:
"Mom, if you have hair here (points to his chest), the ladies really like that".

Where does he get this from?